3 for True ..!!

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." 

  -Buddha 

Today I'm going to share with you three things – the three things that I have learned to be true.

The first is - to learn from your success.

There is a belief that failure is somehow good , somehow beneficial. You hear people say, failure builds character, or fail early fail often. This is not only wrong , it is dangerous. What you learn from failure is limited at best – you learn what didn't work. It tells nothing of what will. In contrast, what you learn from success is how to succeed. This is infinitely more valuable.

A perfect example is the success you celebrate today. How many people do you know who started with you, but aren't sitting next to you today? How often did you have a friend who would moan and whine at the one or two times during the semester that they actually had to work hard, long hours – knowing that as an Engineer this was your daily reality? Oh What an idiot. This is significant.

In fact, you now know one thing for certain. You know that with talent and determination and hard work, you can accomplish what few others can. You succeeded. In the future, taking on truly hard things – things that seem impossible – you will not be in uncharted waters. On the contrary, you will build more success.

That’s key. Success breeds success. It is not a question of whether you will achieve more success. The question is what it will look like.

The second - I know to be true is to build value.

There are many many ways to create value using an Engineering degree.

Let me just tell you a story that I had once heard in seminar, about an old man and how engineering helped to fix his knees. You would be forgiven if didn't immediately make the connection, since what actually fixed his knees was an injection.

He always had a hunger to learn, a passion and zest for life. He was spry, vibrant, and alive, and made others feel the same. At 88, he received what was for him was terrible news. His knees were failing, and he would probably in a short time be limping at best or needing a wheel chair at worse. When he exclaimed that this couldn't be, his doctor was pretty unmoved. “He was 88, for goodness sake.” “What did he expect?” His wife  was frustrated and sad. He went home and started searching on the Internet. Maybe someone else knew something his doctor didn’t. And in probing around, he found a clinical trial that was showing promising results. It involved shooting an experimental drug in his knees, over a period of time. He immediately ran to his doctor and together they figured out how to get him in the trial. Today he is 93 and still walking.

I first thought about this connection when my Mother out of the blue said to me, “don’t you ever wish you made a difference in the world?” At the time, I was Studying Engineering in IT – a technology that is enables what we today view as a new beginning  I thought about how only a short time ago, prior to the Internet, That old guy simply wouldn't have had access to this information. That it was my subject that at least partly what made his story possible – what made his life better.

That, in fact, more broadly it was entirely because of engineers – that in our life time we have seen the democratization of information – a revolution only rivalled in impact by the printing press.

I suddenly realized that they didn't only make a difference; I was part of a profession that by its very nature makes a differences. A profession that at its core is about building value – from iPads, to Electric cars, Google, MRI machines – this list just goes on and on.

So my advice here is simple – keep being an engineer – keep building value. In doing so you will not only make a difference, but you will have the kind of satisfaction that can only come from doing truly valuable work. And you will find that this kind of satisfaction will far outweigh any of the other benefits that may come from your career.

The third thing - I know to be true is to follow your heart.

Often this means doing what is hard.  Choosing a path not because it is easy, but despite that the fact that it is very difficult.

I know this well. Since I was..into my senses, I have dreamed of being an entrepreneur – of creating and leading my own company..And this is what runs into my family, knowingly or unknowingly..They've all experienced that thing

Follow your heart. And like all great loves, you’ll know when you find it.

I remember a famous dialogue of a film..it goes like...

“Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho to puri kayanaat usey tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai.”

And don't worry if you don’t find it right away. Because here’s another myth – the myth that life is short. Or maybe it is true for some people, but not for you. I don’t even have to know you, just the fact that you sit before me today, tells me with 100% certainty that you will do many things.

And if you are lucky, your life will sometimes be messy, confusing, and downright terrifying. It might lead you down surprising paths – paths that cause others to think you’re crazy. But I promise you this, if you keep learning from your success – if you always seek to build value – and if follow your heart, your life will not only be long, it will be rich, satisfying, and deeply rewarding.

“ humari zindagi mein bhi end mein sab theek ho jaata hai. Aur agar, theek na ho to woh the end nahin.....,picture abhi baaki hai mere dost....!! “

Keep it rockin guys..

Check out my earlier posts

d2raj signing out.!!.

From the King's pen..!!

Shah Rukh Khan's article which appeared in Outlook Turning Points 2013

I am an actor. Time does not frame my days with as much conviction as images do. Images rule my life. Moments and memories imprint themselves on my being in the form of the snapshots that I weave into my expression. The essence of my art is the ability to create images that resonate with the emotional imagery of those watching them.

I am a Khan. The name itself conjures multiple images in my mind too: a strapping man riding a horse, his reckless hair flowing from beneath a turban tied firm around his head. His ruggedly handsome face marked by weathered lines and a distinctly large nose.

A stereotyped extremist; no dance, no drink, no cigarette tipping off his lips, no monogamy, no blasphemy; a fair, silent face beguiling a violent fury smoldering within. A streak that could even make him blow himself up in the name of his God. Then there is the image of me being shoved into a back room of a vast American airport named after an American president (another parallel image: of the president being assassinated by a man named lee, not a Muslim thankfully, nor Chinese as some might imagine! I urgently shove the image of the room out of my head).

Some stripping, frisking and many questions later, I am given an explanation (of sorts): "Your name pops up on our system, we are sorry". "So am I," I think to myself, "Now can I have my underwear back please?" Then, there is the image I most see, the one of me in my own country: being acclaimed as a megastar, adored and glorified, my fans mobbing me with love and apparent adulation.

I am a Khan.

I could say I fit into each of these images: I could be a strapping six feet something - ok something minus, about three inches at least, though I don't know much about horse-riding. A horse once galloped off with me flapping helplessly on it and I have had a "no horse-riding" clause embedded in my contracts ever since.

I am extremely muscular between my ears, I am often told by my kids, and I used to be fair too, but now I have a perpetual tan or as I like to call it 'olive hue' - though deep In the recesses of my armpits I can still find the remains of a fairer day. I am handsome under the right kind of light and I really do have a "distinctly large" nose. It announces my arrival in fact, peeking through the doorway just before I make my megastar entrance. But my nose notwithstanding, my name means nothing to me unless I contextualize it.

Stereotyping and contextualizing is the way of the world we live in: a world in which definition has become central to security. We take comfort in defining phenomena, objects and people - with a limited amount of knowledge and along known parameters. The predictability that naturally arises from these definitions makes us feel secure within our own limitations.

We create little image boxes of our own. One such box has begun to draw its lid tighter and tighter at present. It is the box that contains an image of my religion in millions of minds.

I encounter this tightening of definition every time moderation is required to be publicly expressed by the Muslim community in my country. Whenever there is an act of violence in the name of Islam, I am called upon to air my views on it and dispel the notion that by virtue of being a Muslim, I condone such senseless brutality. I am one of the voices chosen to represent my community in order to prevent other communities from reacting to all of us as if we were somehow colluding with or responsible for the crimes committed in the name of a religion that we experience entirely differently from the perpetrators of these crimes.

I sometimes become the inadvertent object of political leaders who choose to make me a symbol of all that they think is wrong and unpatriotic about Muslims in india. There have been occasions when I have been accused of bearing allegiance to our neighboring nation rather than my own country - this even though I am an Indian whose father fought for the freedom of India. Rallies have been held where leaders have exhorted me to leave my home and return to what they refer to as my "original homeland". Of course, I politely decline each time, citing such pressing reasons as sanitation words at my house preventing me from taking the good shower that's needed before undertaking such an extensive journey. I don't know how long this excuse will hold though.

I gave my son and daughter names that could pass for generic (pan-Indian and pan-religious) ones: Aryan and Suhana. The Khan has been bequeathed by me so they can't really escape it. I pronounce it from my epiglottis when asked by Muslims and throw the Aryan as evidence of their race when non-Muslims enquire.

I imagine this will prevent my offspring from receiving unwarranted eviction orders and random fatwas in the future. It will also keep my two children completely confused. Sometimes, they ask me what religion they belong to and, like a good Hindi movie hero, I roll my eyes up to the sky and declare philosophically, "You are an Indian first and your religion is humanity", or sing them an old Hindi film ditty, "Tu Hindu banega na Musalmaan banega - insaan ki aulaad hai insaan banega" set to Gangnam Style.

None of this informs them with any clarity, it just confounds them some more and makes them deeply wary of their father.

In the land of the freed, where I have been invited on several occasions to be honored, I have bumped into ideas that put me in a particular context. I have had my fair share of airport delays for instance.

I became so sick of being mistaken for some crazed terrorist who coincidentally carries the same last name as mine that I made a film, subtly titled My name is Khan (and I am not a terrorist) to prove a point. Ironically, I was interrogated at the airport for hours about my last name when I was going to present the film in America for the first time. I wonder, at times, whether the same treatment is given to everyone whose last name just happens to be McVeigh (as in Timothy)??

I don't intend to hurt any sentiments, but truth be told, the aggressor and taker of life follows his or her own mind. It has to nothing to do with a name, a place or his/her religion. It is a mind that has its discipline, its own distinction of right from wrong and its own set of ideologies. In fact, one might say, it has its own "religion". This religions has nothing to do with the ones that have existed for centuries and been taught in mosques or churches. The call of the azaan or the words of the pope have no bearing on this person's soul. His soul is driven by the devil. I, for one, refuse to be contextualized by the ignorance of his ilk.

I am a Khan.

I am neither six-feet-tall nor handsome (I am modest though) nor am I a Muslim who looks down on other religions. I have been taught my religion by my six-foot-tall, handsome Pathan 'Papa' from Peshawar, where his proud family and mine still resides. He was a member of the no-violent Pathan movement called Khudai Khidamatgaar and a follower of both Gandhiji and Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan, who was also known as the Frontier Gandhi.

My first learning of Islam from him was to respect women and children and to uphold the dignity of every human being. I learnt that the property and decency of others, their points of view, their beliefs, their philosophies and their religions were due as much respect as my own and ought to be accepted with an open mind. I learnt to believe in the power and benevolence of Allah, and to be gentle and kind to my fellow human beings, to give of myself to those less privileged than me and to live a life full of happiness, joy, laughter and fun without impinging on anybody else's freedom to live in the same way.

So I am a Khan, but no stereotyped image is factored into my idea of who I am. Instead, the living of my life has enabled me to be deeply touched by the love of millions of Indians. I have felt this love for the last 20 years regardless of the fact that my community is a minority within the population of India. I have been showered with love across national and cultural boundaries, from Suriname to Japan and Saudi Arabia to Germany, places where they don't even understand my language. They appreciate what I do for them as an entertainer - that's all. My life has led me to understand and imbibe that love is a pure exchange, untempered by definition and unfettered by the narrowness of limiting ideas. If each one of us allowed ourselves the freedom to accept and return love in its purity, we would need no image boxes to hold up the walls of our security.

I believe that I have been blessed with the opportunity to experience the magnitude of such a love, but I also know that its scale is irrelevant. In our own small ways, simply as human beings, we can appreciate each other for how touch our lives and not how our different religions or last names define us.

Beneath the guise of my superstardom, I am an ordinary man. My Islamic stock does not conflict with that of my Hindu wife's. The only disagreements I have with Gauri concern the color of the walls in our living room and not about the locations of the walls demarcating temples from mosques in India. 

We are bringing up a daughter who pirouettes in a leotard and choreographs her own ballets. She sings western songs that confound my sensibilities and aspires to be an actress. She also insists on covering her head when in a Muslim nation that practices this really beautiful and much misunderstood tenet of Islam.

Our son's linear features proclaim his Pathan pedigree although he carries his own, rather gentle mutations of the warrior gene. He spends all day either pushing people asie at rugby, kicking some butt at Tae Kwon Do or eliminating unknown faces behind anonymous online gaming handles around the world with The Call of Duty video game. And yet, he firmly admonishes me for getting into a minor scuffle at the cricket stadium in Mumbai last year because some bigot make unsavory remarks about me being a Khan.

The four of us make up a motley representation of the extraordinary acceptance and validation that love can foster when exchanged within the exquisiteness of things that are otherwise defined ordinary.

For I believe, our religion is an extremely personal choice, not a public proclamation of who we are. It's as person as the spectacles of my father who passed away some 20 years ago. Spectacles that I hold onto as my most prized and personal possession of his memories, teachings and of being a proud Pathan. I have never compared those with my friends, who have similar possessions of their parents or grandparents. I have never said my father's spectacles are better than your mother's saree. So why should we have this comparison in the matter of religion, which is as personal and prized a belief as the memories of your elders. Why should not the love we share be the last word in defining us instead of the last name? It doesn't take a superstar to be able to give love, it just takes a heart and as far as I know, there isn't a force on this earth that can deprive anyone of theirs.

I am a Khan, and that's what it has meant being one, despite the stereotype images that surround me. To be a Khan has been to be loved and love back - that the promise that virgins wait for me somewhere on the other side.

 Shah Rukh Khan

Become a lie detector....

Become a lie detector....

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

           -Winston Churchill 

Warning: sometimes ignorance is bliss. After gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you. The following deception detection techniques are used by police, forensic psychologists, security experts and other investigators.

          We all are liars and we know it....we are all cool about it because we know there are reasons for it. It is a widespread phenomenon which we all do to some extent...

            Lie detection actually means - deception detection, uses questioning techniques along with technology that records physiological functions to ascertain truth and falsehood in response.

            But we will try to go an extra mile from lie spotting to truth seeking ....to trust building.....Here’s a fun fact one’s people know about your technique..They wouldn't meet you..I wonder y people send me mails when they just live down Stairs...LOL

             It’s an astonishing fact that a normal human being generally lies a 10 – 200 times a day..Umm now in this case if you were Pinocchio..It would be very difficult living with that nose.... We are likely to lie 3 times to a stranger in the first minute of the conversation...

            We are definitely consciously against lying but covertly for it. We never know when exactly to lie or to deceit, it’s just like an involuntary muscle in our big fat body..!

            More intelligent people are generally more likely to lie..Same as in the case of extroverts to that of introverts

There is no definite age of lying lie experts have determined the type of lies a particular being of a certain age does .for example

• ·         A baby may fake a cry.
• ·         A 1yr old may conceal.
• ·         A2yr old may bluff
• ·         5 yr olds lie out right and try to manipulate
• ·         9’s are the masters of corruption
• ·         College....Phew...no comments..!!
• ·         At works..There are clusters of lies on daily basis..

          Generally these are white lies in our lives...and we may also get away with it to an extent. But the other side of the coin is called as Dark lies. Someone correctly said that

“Lying is an co operative act”,

Which means if people lie to you because we r sometimes open to these lies

           Talking about the bad or the dark lies...we know it is very dangerous...there are millions of dollars ,wealth at stake...Stock markets get crashed ,...countries get cheated....lives are taken.

         So how do we catch these lies..?

It is called as Lie Detection. The study of physiological methods for deception tests measuring emotional disturbances.

                 And the people who study this science are called as deception experts. To name a few ....we have Mr. Steven Van Aperen,

Dr.Paul Ekman who also invented the technique to read micro expressions...

You ask what they are...

A micro expression is a momentary involuntary facial expression -- that people unconsciously display when they are hiding an emotion. They are quick & intense expressions of concealed emotion.

The main points to remember are that micro expressions are:

Brief - Micro-expressions can appear then disappear off the face in a fraction of a second. In other words micro-expressions occur so quickly, that most people don't even notice them.

"Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides"

Introduction to Detecting Lies:

This knowledge is also useful for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

This is just a basic run down of physical (body language) gestures and verbal cues that may indicate someone is being untruthful. Remember: these signs don't indicate someone is lying, just that they are more likely to be lying.

Signs of Deception:

Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth.Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

 

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, and then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather than at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe,) instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other
words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

 The use of distancing language.

Other signs of a lie:

If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

Using humour or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviours should be compared to a person’s base (normal) behaviour whenever possible.

Just because you have seen the show lie to me or u have some minimal knowledge about facial deception, it does not give you the right to dig into people’s faces. Respect their privacy; you don’t have to know everything going on in people’s lives.

Try to use this knowledge for your good and not to intervene people’s lives,

And remember

"Try to go an extra mile from liespotting.... to truth seeking ....to trust building"

Thanks for reading people.

Check out my earlier posts

Ciao

d2raj signing out ...keep rockin..!!

Life ?

Yeah, its my first ever post....so i thought i should keep it simple.....

so after changing the topic for 24 times ....i stumbled upon a thing...

or really a question  that's life...

What Does life really mean or what's the purpose of life...??

A universal question in the hearts and minds of men and women in all parts of the world is, What is the purpose of life?

We wonder how each of us is endowed with talents, and how, through proper work habits, being honest and patient, each can accomplish worthwhile objectives.

It is not unusual to hear a religious leader, a philosopher, or a poet refer to mortal beings as having a divine spark within them. Such characterizations imply that we possess great abilities and potentialities.

So all this is nothing new...we may have heard it from our parents, teachers, all those funky speech givers...but the one thing they stress on is setting a goal...

Now I know how to score one, but not how to set one ..LOL just kidding..

The truth is, most of us do not have written goals because it is extremely difficult to define our goals. Yes, we all want to make a sufficient amount of money, we all want to retire, we all want to have a happy life, but what does this exactly mean? Many of us know what we want to do short-term, but where does it all lead? Few of us have the big picture vision that we hold in our mind to inspire us in our day-to-day situations.

To make one’s life successful we need to have a goal. A life without a goal is like a ship without a compass. 

We are lucky to have a good school with all necessary infrastructures. No matter how you had been in the last term, but what matters most today is how well you will utilize your capabilities and the facilities provided in the school in this term. You must have heard of Abraham Lincoln. He was the son of a poor woodcutter. Every day he was found reading under a street light. One day a policeman on patrolling asked him, “Why are you found here so late at night?” Boy Lincoln replied instantly, “If I don’t read now how can I become the president of America”? The surprised policeman asked him, “You, you want to become the President of America?” We know that later he became the best president that America had ever seen.

Now while we talk about Goals....we should definitely not forget about our life....

Here’s an example 

it’s  a speech given by a well renowned writer...

Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced   means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions."Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die..

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a prepaid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? …It's OK, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices...” . "Don't be serious, be sincere.

Someone quoted ....

"But in truth, I would die with a smile on my face just knowing that I have done my best in life . . ."

Now that’s the way u should, or rather we should live our lives...

Live it to the fullest, enjoy every moment,

Remember "In your efforts lies Happiness...."for infinity and beyond....

Keep  it rockin guys...

don't forget to hit the like button..!! ;-)
Ciao

d2raj signing out..!!